Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
