ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
