i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
