i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i was born a porn star she said
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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