She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Where is the hickey?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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