if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
