Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
