Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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