Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
