just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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