Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
