Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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