I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
