I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
