I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
