why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
