I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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