I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I AM VODKA MAN
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
