Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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