Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
