Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
