I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
