In the future we'll all be gay
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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