After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
