Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
