the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
