Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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