the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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