Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
