I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
