the day after is always just damage control
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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