Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
