I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dicks are not precious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
