I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
