final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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