i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
