ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
