they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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