White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
