Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
