Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
