someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
