Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
