Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
