four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
