So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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