I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
