I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
