So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize