He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
