you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
