please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize