I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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