At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
