How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
