nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
