He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
