Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Randomize
