be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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