I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
