i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
