the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
