oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
