I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
