my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
