apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got inside last night via doggy door
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
