I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
