My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we should paint friendship bongs
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