and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
