need another drink. this is the easiest way
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
