Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.

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(646): View more from New York

How was the rest of your night?

(917): View more from New York City

A little fuzzy and a lot naked.

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(678): View more from Georgia

My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.

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(213): View more from California

I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.

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(813): View more from Florida

I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.

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(207): View more from Maine

This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.

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