According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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