Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
