His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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