I think I died a long time ago.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
