when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
