Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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