Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
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Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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