im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
People in love make me want to vomit
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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