this beer tastes like vomit already
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
