Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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