i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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